I know, I know … what you’re thinking is:
It’s not me. How, on earth, could the problem be me? What did I ever do to anyone? Little poor ole me? I’m just a good person trying to coordinate the erratic ebb of existence!
Maybe you are a good person. And you may be quite likable. And, yes, you may very well have tragic experiences in your life that are worthy of compassion.
So, let me give you a big hug right now.
Is that better? I hope so. And, as a person with deep tragedy in his life, let me say, “I see you.”
But does having experienced tragedy get you off the hook from facing your own part in your suffering?
No.
Oh, I wish it were so. I have spent more than half of my life blaming the world for my suffering. But this idea, this M.O.L.E. (Meaning Of Life Exemplar), was digging in the wrong place, deep into my entire life, making molehills the size of mountains! I was making my suffering worse!
After reading interpretations of Alfred Adler, perhaps the father of modern individual psychology, then studying Adler’s work itself, I realized that we all make our own M.O.L.E.’s from a very early age, based on our surroundings and early experiences.
The problem is that we hang on to our M.O.L.E.’s even when life demands that we should let them go in favor of new ones that could reduce our suffering exponentially. We fail to throw away the dingy, dogeared, dated maps of our “Me’s” instead of choosing the crisp, current, colorful maps of our “I’s,” ones that can lead to pure joy and freedom.
Alfred Adler referred to the M.O.L.E. as an autobiography, and he believed that sometimes our first memory of childhood could give us deep insight into our M.O.L.E.
“(T)he first fundamental estimate of the individual and his situation is contained in it, a symbol of himself and the demands made of him. Secondly, it is the subjective starting point, the beginning of the autobiography he has made up for himself.” (Alfred Adler, What Life Should Mean to You, pg. 26)
What I believe is even more important than our first memory is the first memory that we find traumatic, as such memories are almost always deeply linked with M.O.L.E.’s that cause us great suffering. Such exemplars of life meaning are distorted with many falsehoods that imprison the “I.”
My first tragic childhood memory is learning how my father died by overhearing neighbors gossiping about me: the “little dark-haired boy.” In my heart I think I heard, Little black sheep misfit. This is a poignant, painful memory for me … especially since my father’s death was the result of a tragic accident.
My M.O.L.E. was formed then and there in an instant, like a black lightning bolt engraving a sentence into the top of my skull. And from this point on I saw others as untrustworthy and life itself, the world, as a place that is full of instability and catastrophic conflict and chaos.
If you do not remember a first traumatic memory in childhood, but you are suffering greatly, then I believe your M.O.L.E. can also be glimpsed in how you respond to life events and to the actions of others. If you have not taken The North Path 7Q Entrance Test, I encourage you to do so now: the questions to which you answered “Yes” may be key insights into your M.O.L.E.
Life is not cruel and complicated … life is just life.
But your M.O.L.E. comprises the core meaning you give to even the minutest aspects of your life.
And only you can fix you.
Yours in the infinite joy of the “I,”
Phoenix Richardson.