If you are reading this, then it is very possible that you have come to a crossroads. The only question is: upon which road were you walking? And is it the one that will ultimately lead you to happiness?
In the words of the great American poet, Robert Frost, “Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
Way does lead on to way, as Frost so eloquently wrote; and after being so long on one way, it can seem impossible to turn back, or to turn another way. But the crossroads has come. Why? Because the weight of your suffering now outweighs what you thought the benefits were of following the path on which you now walk.
South, East, and West
South means living in the past. The great actor, Anthony Hopkins, once said that he could not spend more than a few minutes with someone who is always talking about the past; it drives him crazy. Sir Hopkins is one who always wants to move forward, to grow, to step out of his comfort zone. He is always striving to emancipate his “I.”
The past is dead … it is a corpse with a monument over it, on which memories and lessons are engraved. But if we are not reflecting on our past in a way that maximizes happiness and minimizes suffering, we become dead ourselves. We are like ghosts who have died but are too afraid to move on, so live in the land of what they once were. The southern path is full of great emotional suffering.
East is an escape route we choose when we can no longer face the emotional pain of our current path. We try something new out of sheer desperation, hoping we might save ourselves. But if a path does not resonate with our “I,” with our deepest sense of purpose, that way, that talent, with which we can best contribute to society, we will ultimately end up deeply frustrated.
We have probably all tried some eastern roads in our lives, only to find that they did not lead to happiness. Perhaps they were ways our “Me’s,” our egos, envied, or, ways that others told us to go, rather than ways resonant with our “I.’s.”
When I was twenty years old I studied to be a paramedic. I had straight A’s in the classroom, oddly seeming to be able to almost memorize the textbook, excitedly taking part in almost every classroom discussion. However, when I went out into the field towards the end of the course, working in an ER as well as with a fire department, the things I saw made me realize that I was too sensitive to have such a career for life. I cringe when I think of the suffering that might have befallen me had I stayed on this eastern road.
West is the way that might have been. These are roads we wanted to take but never did … and when the suffering becomes too high, they can be extremely luring. But, again, if they do not lead to our most meaningful means of contribution to others, they will lead to deep frustration and, yes, much emotional suffering.
During the COVID pandemic the urge to head west for me has often been quite intense, and I can only imagine that this must be the case for many others, especially those like me who lost their jobs or businesses and have had to start over. It is only human to think: Well, this did not work so maybe it’s time to pursue an old thing that I never finished.
When I was younger I did manual labor; it was simple, tiring work, but it was honest. There is nothing wrong with this kind of work. I have to admit that many days this year, out of utter frustration, I have found myself wanting to shut down this blog and to give up on my online teaching efforts. The last few days, due to a big snow blizzard, I have been shoveling snow a few times a day … and I have wished with all my heart that I was being paid for it.
Yes, I know how tempting it is to just want to move forward … to do something … to control something … but during the hard times we must not confuse work with vocation. We must stand strong for our “I’s.” Sometimes we may have to choose work that is relatively meaningless but pays the bills. However, since meaningless work in the end only leads to sadness and suffering, away from our “I’s,” we must always be striving to get back to our vocations: those jobs that have meaning to us … those jobs that allow us to contribute the way we contribute best.
Using the “I” as Your Compass
North is the only way to happiness, because it leads to, and follows from, the “I.” Notice that all the other paths involve us attempting to control in order to alleviate frustration and suffering. But remember that it was control that led us down this wrong path originally. South, East, and West are all paths fueled by control because they are not driven by the “I.” Instead they are driven by the “Me.” They bury the “I,” your freedom …. and that is why you are hurting. Control is like an evil wind lurking behind the trees, just longing to throw you off your best course.
You think control helps you.
But it never has, has it?
You never stopped the rain.
Look at the path you are now walking, before way leads on to any more way. How much are you trying to control things that cannot be controlled? What are you trying to control? This will tell you which path you are really walking. Be glad that you came to a crossroads; this is your “I” trying to help you.
Let it help you to head North again.
Take the road less traveled … it will make all the difference.
Yours in the infinite joy of the “I,”
Phoenix.