You have lost so much in your life … on the Battlefield of the Moment. So have I. We all have. And because there are only so many moments, such losses are truly tragic.
Will you try to save this one? Do you know how?
Why We Lose Moments
We lose a moment when the “Me,” the Ego, seeks to control it somehow. This leads to the imprisonment of our “I.” When our “I” is imprisoned, the control structure of choice impedes us from truly enjoying the moment … from letting go.
We are afraid.
We are afraid of getting hurt. We are afraid of not getting what we want. We are afraid of being vulnerable.
We, we, we. Me, me, me.
And moments are dying all around us. Dying because our “I’s” are not truly open to them … not truly enjoying them.
When the moment is all over, we feel empty and sad. And we should: we have not truly lived that moment; and, hence, we have trouble saying goodbye to it. When we leave a moment we have fully lived, joyful, able to say goodbye to it with ease, then we have truly lived that moment.
Have you ever been to a movie (you know, in the old days, before COVID) so engaging that when you left the theater to join the light of day, you almost forgot who you are?
This is what happens when fear and control take hostage of your moment. Like a great movie, the “Me” takes your “I” prisoner. Even though you may think you enjoy controlling, like a great film, the controlling is not you. You were not in the movie. You were just watching it.
Playing a starring role in a movie … that is truly living a moment!
How to Rescue Moments
We must first learn to recognize the difference between the “I” and the “Me.” See my previous blog.
Once we can do this, it will become easier and easier to notice the well of emotion (e.g., fear and desire to control) whirling up inside us at the onset of a particular moment. When this happens, we need to let ourselves feel the feelings (it’s okay, you’re not going to die or explode … though, with big moments, it can feel this way, I know).
After we have felt the feelings, we must ask ourselves: what is the goal of these feelings? If the answer is, for example: to avoid getting hurt, or, to not lose this person or thing, then we are succumbing to the gravity of a control structure. At this point, we must take a breath and find an alternative strategy for our goal, one that does not control and imprison the “I.”
For example, having lost my private business due to COVID and having to deal now with the great competition online, most of my days begin and end with great fear of not earning enough to continue reaching for my goals of online teaching and writing. I feel the enormous feelings of fear and doubt then realize that these feelings, this controlling, will not allow me to reach my goals. In fact, such controlling, and its accompanying control structures, make it even harder to reach my goals! At this point, I turn to alternative strategies, which almost always include confidence in what I have to offer, faith and hope, and accepting that I may not reach my goal (if this happens, I have a backup plan).
In the end, it is all about letting go of controlling. That is how we rescue a moment.
And then we can actually enjoy the moments as “I’s” … with no regrets afterwards.
We can all be the heroes of our own moments.
Yours in the infinite joy of the “I,
Phoenix.